Posted by Steve
Haven’t don’t a scouting report in awhile, but I’ve been out of town, etc etc and haven’t seen a lot of games on tv over the last couple weeks. I do have one to mention, though. The winner is Johan Santana. Here goes…
8 of 10
Great Change
Under the Sun
8 of 10. Not sure about you, but my mind goes to surveys that are often used in commercials. “Eight out of ten doctors think Levitra is right for you.” “Eight out of ten customers reported weight loss of twenty pounds or more.” “Eight out of humans think Johan Santana’s change-up is sexually attractive.” Nope. Turns out this only refers to the fact that the Mets had won eight of Santana’s last ten starts. Also: This is a fact, not a scouting report.
Great Change. Fair enough; this one is fine.
Under the Sun. Uh oh, Bill saw a movie for the first time this weekend!
Oh. Turns out it was just about Santana’s performance this season in day games. I’m sure that’s a large enough sample size to be meaningful.
Shifting gears here, I do have to mention something that’s bothered me a bit. It’s Bill’s report last night for Jonathon Niese. It really bothered me. Here it is.
Big Curve
Average Fastball
Throws Strikes
No, no, no! This is all wrong! Where are the goofy phrases that have nothing to do with baseball? The non-decipherable digits standing alone? And perhaps most amazingly, why do all those actually belong on a scouting report?! What could this mean? Why did Bill actually make real scouting report? And why did the writer actually write them in a comprehensible manner? And finally, did you ever think I’d break my personal record of five consecutive questions in a paragraph? Because I just Usain Bolted the hell out of it.
For now, I’ll chalk this up as a fluke. You can bet I’ll be paying close attention, because if Bill doesn’t immediately revert back to the hilarious, nonsensical scouting reports, I’ll start to feel like Ken Tremendous when Bill Fremp starting writing the JoeChats.
