Bill’s Keys to Baseball: Score runs, prevent opponent from scoring runs

Posted by Steve

Well, after that crapbag of a weekend there isn’t a lot to say that isn’t negative. How can you go into a series against Boston without a DH? This one is on Doug Melvin just as much as Ned. It’s as though they didn’t realize they needed to play a DH for the series in Boston. Branyan is still raking, and Brad Nelson would have also been a much better option than Tony “.556 OPS” Gwynn. Gwynn as DH was a total embarrassment.

I could say a lot more about that series, but I’d rather attempt to erase it from my memory. Instead, why not mock one of Bill’s Piggly Wiggly Scouting Reports? The winner-from yesterday’s game- is for Carlos Villanueva.

No walks

Off speed

Green Monster

No walks. This can be taken one of two ways, and both are absurd. By ‘no walks,’ Bill may actually be saying, “Carlos Villanueva must not issue a walk in this game,” which is a pretty high standard to set. He also may have meant, “If he walks many hitters, he will be in trouble,” which is probably true for, I don’t know, any and every pitcher ever? Great insight. Might as well just include this one in every report the rest of the season.

Off-speed. Carlos needed to throw his off-speed pitches for strikes. You could argue that this is extra-important for him, since he has a mediocre fastball. Still, pretty much any pitcher needs to throw off-speed pitches for strikes to have sustained success.

Green Monster. Beware of the large wall in left field located relatively close to home plate? Or maybe he was referring to these things. Or maybe he was saying, “Don’t give up home runs.” In which case, Bill’s scouting report for Villanueva was: Don’t walk guys, throw your off-speed pitches for strikes and don’t allow home runs. Got it Carlos? It’s that easy.

By the way, this week’s winner was probably by default. I was working during the Thursday broadcast, but Dan informed me that one of his points for Chad Billingsley was “speed bump.” I have no idea either.

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